the world dropped on me

Last night, I couldn't sleep direclty. I was just lying in bed beside my hubby until early morning and recalling my fast and I came to the day when my father died.

It was just a normal day for me. I woke up early and fixed myself and went to my office but I read already a text from my brother informing that they were on their way to hospital because my father couldn’t breath.

I was planning to call from my landline office directly I came to my office and I did it. I talked to my brother and he was saying that they would go home soon. And he even said that I better talk to my mother because mama would want us to go home soon as we could.

I keep on calling for few hours but the answer I got was only, we should go home the sooner the better until my brother told me that they're already at home. That time, I couldn't resist for more. I talked to mama and she told me that my father was "dead on arrival" in the hospital. And I felt that the whole world dropped on me.

I didn't care how many officemates I had that time. All I did was crying as loud as I could and ran to my sister's condo. There we were crying but we planned and decided what to do. The next morning we were on our way to province.

This was what I was thinking last night which made me cry. I always cry every night especially if I remember my father. And also, almost every night, I dreamed of him, alive and healthy...

Oh how I miss him... I don’t know why I’m like this....God help me to understand about everything...